Parody event shows how Snyder’s policies help the wealthy, hurt seniors

LANSING — On Tuesday, September 30^th, a large group of “billionaires” sporting top hats waltzed outside the Lansing office of Governor Rick Snyder as a whimsical ensemble played nearby.  

“We are here to celebrate the wise decision made by Governor Snyder,” said the master of ceremonies, Glen Winters. “He taxed the pensions of the middle class, so that all of us billionaires could get a well-deserved tax break.”

Nearby, the Michigan Nurses Association set up a table to help billionaires suffering from “Affluenza," a disease that can affect the wealthy and powerful. 

“Wealthy people who hold powerful positions are especially at risk of Affluenza and may show symptoms such as phobia of the poor, compulsion to tax seniors, and flare-ups of unearned entitlement,” said Kelly Brunk, RN, one of the nurses stationed at the Billionaires’ Ball. “We are offering a complete course of Affluenza treatment, consisting of Compassion pills, Accountability tablets and doses of Reality.” 

However, none of the people gathered there were actually billionaires, but rather seniors and others affected, or soon to be affected by, the new tax on pensions.

This was the “Billionaires’ Ball”, a demonstration organized by the Michigan People’s Campaign intended to highlight the governor’s decision to eliminate the Michigan Business Tax while simultaneously imposing a new tax on pensions.

The tax on seniors is an attack on the livelihoods of Michiganders who are already living on a fixed-income making it harder for them to afford the essentials like food and medication.

“Governor Snyder chose to tax the pensions of hardworking middle-class Michiganders to pay for a giant tax handout to corporations,” said Deborah LeSane, a retiree who spoke at the event. “It’s clear that Snyder values the well-being of rich fat cats over seniors who worked hard their whole lives to earn their pension.”

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Contact: Erik Shelley, (248) 982-6326, MichiganPeoplesCampaign@yahoo.com

Speech by Kelly Brunk, RN at the event:     

Thank you, Glenn. It’s an honor to be in your presence today.

I know you are all eager to revel in your new tax breaks.

But first, I want to warn you about a disease that is afflicting only the rich and powerful, including Governor Snyder.

This disease is called Affluenza, and the good news is that it is not contagious.

However, Affluenza sufferers can experience severe symptoms such as the following: a constipated conscience, delusions of unlimited entitlement, and compulsion to tax hard-working seniors.

They also may exhibit an unusually high tolerance for maggots in other people’s food. 

If you are experiencing any Affluenza-like symptoms, you can receive treatment at our Affluenza Clinic, located right over there. (POINTS TO TABLE)

We are providing a complete course of treatment, which consists of Accountability pills, Accountability tablets and doses of Reality.

Thank you all, and try not to drink too much Dom Perignon, as it exacerbates symptoms of Affluenza.

Enjoy your ball!